Best Groucho Marx Thoughts
- Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Cynical
- I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. Accepting
- She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Beauty
- I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Beer
- Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Beer
- I intend to live forever, or die trying. Aging
- Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Behind
- Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you… Applesauce
- A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Funny
- One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. Elephant
- I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. Course
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Asked
- Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. Alimony
- Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. Age
- A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. Bed
- I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Cute
- Humor is reason gone mad. Gone
- I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. First Time
- I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Extreme
- I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate… America
- No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. Boss
- My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. Actually Tells
- Before I speak, I have something important to say. Funny
- Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. Funny
- Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Contradiction
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