Best Groucho Marx Quotes
- A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. Aspirin
- This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never… All
- Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write… Americans
- I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are. Animal
- There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire! Age
- There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man. Crumbling
- He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. Alcohol
- Mrs. Teasdale calls for rescue and Firefly delivers the famous line to his cohorts as they rescue her: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor,… Calls
- I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry… Added
- If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor. Dressed
- You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team. All
- One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. Aids
- Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy. Day
- You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera...the night I drank Champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been more but you… Been
- Always examine the dice. Always Examine
- I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by… All
- The admission fee was a viper's tongue and a half-concealed stiletto. It was a sort of intellectual slaughterhouse. Admission
- There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement. All
- Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you? Buy
- Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks. Ducks
- I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books Book
- One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather! Been
- That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight. Alarm
- I came here for a party and what do I get? Nothing. Not even Ice cream. Came
- If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan. Any
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