Getting a blowjob with a condom on is like leaving your underwear on while taking a shit! — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
My wife and I had words the other night. . . . . . . . . . Well, I had words; She had paragraphs. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it. — Green Monk Becoming a doctor Copy Share Image
With all the bullshit in my life lately, I'm surprised I can't fertilize a nice flower garden in my back yard! — Green Monk Flower Copy Share Image
Lying about my age is easier now that I sometimes forget what it is. — Green Monk Age Copy Share Image
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries — Green Monk Cost of living Copy Share Image
If someone steps on your foot & asks Did I hurt you? . . Step on theirs (HARDER) & ask, Can you feel my answer? — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I always try not to judge people. Which is probably why I lost my job as a judge — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Sometimes you have to talk quieter , To see who's really listening .. ¥ — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a shitload of beer and tacos and that's close enough. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wont come to yours. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Of course I look both ways when crossing a one way street. You never know what kind of idiot is behind the… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
There are 2 reasons I haven't killed you. I don't know what to do with the body and I'm the most likely… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Why would you let me know before unfollowing me? You're making it easier for me to track you down and murder you. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
You know whats better than watching a beautiful woman get dressed...laughing at what she is wearing — Green Monk Beautiful woman Copy Share Image
The biggest mistake to most people Listen to half of the conversation Understand the quarter Speak all the time.. — Green Monk Biggest mistake Copy Share Image
Was trying to count sheep to help me sleep but I don't think I'll be able to sleep anymore after being chased… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
