Best David Letterman Quotations
- Mitt Romney said he's not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million. Concerned
- I'm having trouble warming up to Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy in the restaurant that comes to your table to make sure everything's… All
- Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get… American
- Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there's a pretty good message to send to Middle America. When Rick Perry heard that,… America
- Final installment of Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir: Driving into a tree, microwaving your head, and getting stabbed in the eye… Carrot
- Sarah Palin's book is big, 400 pages. She wrote the book herself and agonized over every word, and so will you. Agonized
- President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound. Bush
- I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, who was going to blow up the plane. He was wearing a pair of Fruit… Al
- The entire island of Martha's Vineyard has gone Obama crazy. There's even a cocktail that they've named after Barack Obama. It's called the Obamarita. Not… Ago
- Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the… Big
- Sarah Palin is joining Fox News. The new slogan is 'hair and unbalanced.' Fox
- They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300… American
- You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in… Been
- Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound. Flesh
- Former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is promoting her new book and she's going to appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Sarah and Oprah. On… Alaska
- Sarah Palin was delivering a speech and she said 'refudiate.' It's not a word – you have refute and repudiate, and she combined them. A… Ago
- Now how about this, ladies and gentlemen? The Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has announced she is stepping down. She will no longer be the… Alaska
- Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late. Book
- Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when… Briefs
- I like that Sarah Palin. She looks like the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi ... She looks like the… Agent
- Lesbians have never been more popular. Been
- Happy Birthday to Fay Wray, a wonderful actress. She was, of course, in the movie 'King Kong' and would have been 99-years-old today. She was… Actress
- Chi-Os were ideal partners for all occasions. They were discrete, desirable, tactful, polite, and fun... Every mom dreamed of her son coming home with a… All
- Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance? Allegiance
- The best part about holiday parties is the alcohol. You have a couple of drinks and you tell your coworkers and your superiors what you… Alcohol
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