All Conan O'Brien Quotes
- Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because… Actually Said
- The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said… Army
- The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney… Any
- Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time.… Added
- Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will… Amazing
- The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality. Beauty
- This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just… Arnold
- Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen. Amazing
- Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!' Coffee
- When all else fails there's always delusion. Absurd
- A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that… Amusing
- In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was… Any
- If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice. Fruity
- I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Anywhere
- Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly. Alcohol
- The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The… Country
- In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. All
- Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood. African
- Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her… Anderson
- Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer. Contract
- The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you… Funny
- There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. Fear
- In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the… Ban
- Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized… Anyone
- President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled… Attend