All Conan O'Brien Quotes
- As you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain. Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell anyone in a… Anyone
- I've always heard that women secretly want their father. So I used to walk around in a 1950s business suit, with a hat and a… Always Heard
- Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream. Cream
- Over-thinking in your brain is anathema to the process of thinking on your feet. Anathema
- Barack Obama was speaking to a Jewish group, and he told them that his name Barack is the same as the Jewish word 'baruch,' which… Barack
- Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Avoid
- People looking into Barack Obama's campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. Yeah. It turns out that broad is Oprah… Abroad
- Big night of television tonight for Barack Obama. Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Yeah. Yeah, and apparently, if… Aired
- Nietzsche famously said, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' What he failed to stress is that it ALMOST kills you. Almost Kills
- There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to open up a… According
- All the major networks declared Barack Obama the winner at 11 last night, except for MSNBC, which declared Obama the winner six months ago. Ago
- People all over the world now are following our election. And according to a new international poll that just came out, I think this came… According
- The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on a… Accused
- A comic book publisher says he's trying to increase voter turnout in the presidential election by publishing comic books about John McCain and Barack Obama.… Barack
- It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yeah, this is expected to be the… Barack
- Oprah Winfrey just announced that she's planning to attend Barack Obama's inauguration. Oprah says she's very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person… Announced
- Possible controversy for the Obama campaign. Republicans are now accusing Barack Obama's campaign of voter fraud, because some of the people they've registered sound like… Accusing
- Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it's President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person of the year,… Announced
- In the news, Chinese president Hu Jintao says that now that Barack Obama has been elected, he is looking forward to taking the relationship between… All
- CNN’s Rick Sanchez said the Jews run CNN. Ah, so that’s who we blame for Rick Sanchez. Ah