Christopher Moore Quotes

197 quotes in 2671 categories

• [in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A…
• Foul and magical fumes bubbled out of the kettle, like the flatulence of a dragon on a demon-only diet.
• Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.
• And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.
• Tommy moved on. "Lash, your people have been oppressed for hundreds of years. It's time to strike back. Look, you don't have your MBA yet…
• ...then he looked at my T-shirt and saw Byron's picture on it and he quoted "She Walks in Beauty," which is like my favorite poem…
• Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little "Hey, what's up?" pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down…
• All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?
• We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.
• You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems...
• Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life…
• This Roberto. He no like the light.
• I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.
• Normally if I met a guy who was unemployed and illiterate who hadn't bathed in a couple of weeks, I'd be standing in a puddle…
• Like looking down on a lubricious chess set, isn't it? The king moves in tiny steps, with no direction, like a drunkard trying to avoid…
• Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor.
• No theory ever benefited by the application of data, Amy. Data kills theories. A theory has no better time than when it's lying there naked,…
• Wet towel under the door,' said Barry. 'It's what you do when you're smoking weed in a hotel and you don't want everyone calling security.…
• Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our…
• You know, there's a 12 step program for gambling. You should look into that. Twelve steps. Coyote laughed. I'll bet I can do it in…

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