Christopher Moore Quotes

197 quotes in 2671 categories

• Advice, then, young yeoman: When referring to the king's middle daughter, state that she is fair, speculate that she is pious, but unless you'd like…
• Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy
• Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?
• Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!
• Yo, yo, yo, check it out," said PJ, with enough hand gestures that any deaf person watching would have thought he had ASL Tourette's syndrome
• Like last year I took Advance Foods class (which is like cooking for nerds) after lunch, and so I usually took a nap. Which was…
• And he was like "The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk -" -Abby
• I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of…
• Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell
• Charlie had Sophie strapped to his chest like a terrorist baby bomb when he came down the back steps. She had just gotten to the…
• Abby: I could be a slave to your darkest desires. I can do things. Anything you want. Tommy: Well, that's terrific, because we have a…
• After all the evidence is in--after you've run all the facts by everything you know--and you're still lost, you have to do some things on…
• So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety.
• So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need
• I am convinced by the events of the last few weeks that nefarious forces of people--unidentified but no less real--are threatening life as we know…
• Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.
• Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves.
• I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.
• Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.
• Ooo ahe-e, I aya oa a," she said in yawnspeak, a language - not unlike Hawaiian - known for its paucity of consonants.

Browse Christopher Moore Quotes by Category