Chris Voss

“What does a good babysitter sell, really? It’s not child care exactly, but a relaxed evening. A furnace salesperson? Cozy rooms for…

— Chris Voss

“they should be teased out. Labeling is a helpful tactic in de-escalating angry confrontations, because it makes the person acknowledge their feelings…

— Chris Voss

“The Downs hijacking case came to epitomize everything not to do in a crisis situation, and inspired the development of today’s theories,…

— Chris Voss

“In court, defense lawyers do this properly by mentioning everything their client is accused of, and all the weaknesses of their case,…

— Chris Voss

“Most of the time, you should be using the positive/playful voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is…

— Chris Voss

“the key to getting people to see things your way is not to confront them on their ideas (“You can’t leave”) but…

— Chris Voss

“In any bare-knuckle bargaining session, the most vital principle to keep in mind is never to look at your counterpart as an…

— Chris Voss

“Imagine yourself in your counterpart’s situation. The beauty of empathy is that it doesn’t demand that you agree with the other person’s…

— Chris Voss

“First, let’s talk a little human psychology. In basic terms, people’s emotions have two levels: the “presenting” behavior is the part above…

— Chris Voss

“ask for help with one of the greatest-of-all-time calibrated questions: “How am I supposed to do that?” The critical part of this…

— Chris Voss

“Try this the next time you have to apologize for a bone-headed mistake. Go right at it. The fastest and most efficient…

— Chris Voss

“Having just two words to start with might not seem like a lot of ammunition, but trust me, you can use “what”…

— Chris Voss

“List the worst things that the other party could say about you and say them before the other person can. Performing an…

— Chris Voss

“It comes down to the deep and universal human need for autonomy. People need to feel in control. When you preserve a…

— Chris Voss

“The CEO answered by saying the bill was too high, that he’d pay half of it and that they would talk about…

— Chris Voss

“for six straight hours, relieved periodically by two FBI agents who were learning crisis negotiation, I spoke through the apartment door. I…

— Chris Voss

“Labels can be phrased as statements or questions. The only difference is whether you end the sentence with a downward or upward…

— Chris Voss

“When you originally approved this trip, what did you have in mind?” He visibly relaxed as he sat back in his chair…

— Chris Voss

“if you know how to affect your counterpart’s System 1 thinking, his inarticulate feelings, by how you frame and deliver your questions…

— Chris Voss

“By making your counterparts articulate implementation in their own words, your carefully calibrated “How” questions will convince them that the final solution…

— Chris Voss

“There’s one powerful way to quiet the voice in your head and the voice in their head at the same time: treat…

— Chris Voss

“List the worst things that the other party could say about you and say them before the other person can. Performing an…

— Chris Voss

“If I just ask for a volunteer, my students sit on their hands and look away. You’ve been there. You can almost…

— Chris Voss

“The tool we developed is something I call the calibrated, or open-ended, question. What it does is remove aggression from conversations by…

— Chris Voss

“There are essentially three voice tones available to negotiators: the late-night FM DJ voice, the positive/playful voice, and the direct or assertive…

— Chris Voss

“a spoon is a great tool for stirring soup but it’s not a recipe.”

— Chris Voss

“No deal is better than a bad deal”

— Chris Voss

“The fastest and most efficient means of establishing a quick working relationship is to acknowledge the negative and diffuse it.”

— Chris Voss

“The last rule of labeling is silence. Once you’ve thrown out a label, be quiet and listen.”

— Chris Voss

“Unbelief is the friction that keeps persuasion in check,” Dutton says. “Without it, there’d be no limits.” Giving your counterpart the illusion…

— Chris Voss

“Saying “No” gives the speaker the feeling of safety, security, and control. You use a question that prompts a “No” answer, and…

— Chris Voss

“Effective negotiation is applied people smarts, a psychological edge in every domain of life: how to size someone up, how to influence…

— Chris Voss

“Even something as harsh as “Why did you do it?” can be calibrated to “What caused you to do it?” which takes…

— Chris Voss

“I’m sorry, two copies?” she mirrored in response, remembering not only the DJ voice, but to deliver the mirror in an inquisitive…

— Chris Voss

“Labeling has a special advantage when your counterpart is tense. Exposing negative thoughts to daylight—“It looks like you don’t want to go…

— Chris Voss

“All we’re going to say is, ‘Hey, how do we know José is okay? How are we supposed to pay until we…

— Chris Voss

“Negotiation serves two distinct, vital life functions—information gathering and behavior influencing—and includes almost any interaction where each party wants something from the…

— Chris Voss

“In my short stay I realized that without a deep understanding of human psychology, without the acceptance that we are all crazy,…

— Chris Voss

“That’s when I had my “Holy shit!” moment and realized that this is the technique I’d been waiting for. Instead of asking…

— Chris Voss

“after pausing, ask solution-based questions or simply label their effect: “What about this doesn’t work for you?” “What would you need to…

— Chris Voss