Family holiday Quote by Chris Voss
““First, let’s talk a little human psychology. In basic terms, people’s emotions have two levels: the “presenting” behavior is the part above the surface you can see and hear; beneath, the “underlying” feeling is what motivates the behavior. Imagine a grandfather who’s grumbly at a family holiday dinner: the presenting behavior is that he’s cranky, but the underlying emotion is a sad sense of loneliness from his family never seeing him. What good negotiators do when labeling is address those underlying emotions. Labeling negatives diffuses them (or defuses them, in extreme cases); labeling positives reinforces them.””
About This Quote
Source Book: Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss, 2016
Negotiators should identify and name the hidden feelings driving observable actions to reduce tension and build rapport.
In simple terms: Name hidden emotions to calm situations.
Key Takeaway
Label feelings to defuse conflict.
Themes
communication
psychology
conflict resolution
Mood
empathetic
strategic
Type
advice
instructional
When to use this quote
- business negotiations
- personal relationships
- team meetings
- customer service
Key Concepts
emotional intelligence
active listening
labeling technique
Questions to Reflect On
- How can you ensure your label matches the true feeling?
- What if the other person resists being labeled?
A Different Perspective
Labels may oversimplify complex emotions, risking misinterpretation.
