All Bill Hicks Quotes
- It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung. All
- It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know? Ago
- It's hard to have a relationship in this business...it's gonna take a very special woman...or a bunch of average ones. Average
- While I've found many of the religious shows I've viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own… Any
- And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, "This is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left all… All
- Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered. Covered
- They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing.… Good
- It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay? All
- I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY. Great
- I think it's interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do… Act
- I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes] America
- I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all. All
- Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal. Drug
- And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong? Funny
- Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see?… Criminals
- Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. Day
- But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a… Ass
- As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people. Darkness
- People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy… Abduction
- Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the… Amounts
- The waitress comes over to me like, 'What'chu readin' for?' I had never been asked that. Not 'What am I reading?' but 'What am I… Asked
- I saw a sign on the side of the road in Tennessee once that said 'dirt for sale'... what a great country we live in.… Country
- Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is. Beings
- We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free. All
- I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. Bitter