I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions? — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare… — Keary Taylor Copy Share Image
I Followed you, I starred you, I retweeted you, I DM'ed you, I lost you, I blocked you, I never wanna see… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My girlfriend said, I hate it when you finish my sentences. So I said, Period. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them. — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
“My father was incredibly indecisive. As an example, take his wedding day. He couldn't decide where to sit in the getaway car,… — John Bennardo Copy Share Image
MARRIED MAN, a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: I'll be right out — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal, and his great hair. I say to… — Dick Cheney Copy Share Image
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a woman has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette watch out. She's having a terrible day. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
It was the experience of mystery - even if mixed with fear - that engendered religion. — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for today is about dreams and illusions, and… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
