Wit is better as a seasoning than as a whole dish by itself. — Christian Nestell Bovee Copy Share Image
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They always say to treat people the way you want to be treated. So far, I've given 4 handjobs today. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WRINKLES: Something other people have, Similar to my character lines. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, Something which combines the two greatest powers on earth -- war and peace; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My girl went away for the weekend, and I didn't masturbate once. I masturbated 21 times. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
True wit is nature to advantage dressed; What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed. — Alexander Pope Copy Share Image
Critchley and Webster’s fierce, witty exploration of Hamlet makes most other writing about Shakespeare seem simpleminded. — Hari Kunzru Copy Share Image
Women, as some witty Frenchman once put it, inspire us with the desire to do masterpieces and always prevent us from carrying… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
I know the bestseller 'Gone Girl' doesn't need an ounce of support from me, but that book was as sharp and witty… — Jami Attenberg Copy Share Image
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE CEREMONY, a ritual which should be written (o cut down on divorces) -- by adding a line to the groom's questions… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole… — Bjarne Stroustrup Copy Share Image
Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Winston Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it! — Psyche_Zeroh Copy Share Image
Two things in life that are difficult to achieve: 1. To plant your idea in someone's head. 2. To plant someone's money… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
Were you dropped on your headwhen you were younger? Yeah, in a pool of sexy. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
WIFE, Is in trouble with her roles when her husband finds her a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Did It Hurt?... When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry — Norman Wisdom Copy Share Image
If I said It would take too long to explain. I really meant I have no idea how it works. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Hitman: The one who kills people for money. Hitwoman: The one who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“When in a frying pan, thank your stars. You will reminisce about it moments later, when you fall in the fire.” — Prashant Yadav Copy Share Image
Rumours? Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“If thinking should precede acting, then acting must succeed thinking.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well. It were done quickly. — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they cant have a headache and sex at the same time? — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
