Witty Quotes · Page 52

I once dated a woman who owned a dog. The thing would never shut the fuck up. The dog was cool though.

— Nikhil Saluja

The history of most women is hidden either by silence, or by flourishes and ornaments that amount to silence.

— Virginia Woolf

One thing nice about being dead is that you immediately become eligible to appear on stamps and money.

— Nikhil Saluja

I once arm wrestled the Incredible Hulk. The loser had to paint himself green.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

— Mae West

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

— Oscar Wilde

I don't care if it doesn't make a nickel. I just want every man, woman, and child in America to see it.

— Samuel Goldwyn

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. -- A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

— Nikhil Saluja

even Mademoiselle Neubahr can't make me believe in hell. It doesn't seem a very - witty - solution of the crime-and-punishment situation,…

— Frances Noyes Hart

Roses are red, violets are blue, you thought I would cry over you. I told you I loved you, and you thought…

— Anonymous

The habit of getting up early, which I had formed when the children were young, now became my choice. I am not…

— Toni Morrison

Don't Take It Seriously * When the SHARE BROKER says, It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly…

— Nikhil Saluja

Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall … And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch ……

— Nikhil Saluja

I basically try not to waste any lines in any of my songs, and I think the witty phrases and funny lyrics…

— Mike Stud

Wit is the appearance, the external flash, of fantasy. Hence its divinity and the similarity to the wit of mysticism.

— Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the…

— Woody Allen

MARRIAGE, Is made out of two toothbrushes but a single tube of toothpaste;

— Nikhil Saluja

After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood

— Fred Thompson

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

— Dorothy Parker

Some people are just like some schools during summer, they have, NO CLASS.

— Anonymous

Okay. - the only thing ever said by guys in Sex, Shower and Sandwitch.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl lets you watch porn. The woman helps you make up.

— Nikhil Saluja

For the qualities of sheer wit and humor, Swift had no superior, ancient or modern.

— Leigh Hunt

CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two negatives don't make a positive, any more than two half-wits make a wit.

— Neil Kinnock

What is the greatest fear of the dildo farmer? Squatters!

— Nikhil Saluja

The only thing a woman wants people saying behind her back is nice ass.

— Nikhil Saluja

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

— Tina Fey

I can't listen to the radio. Every love song reminds me of you. It hurts.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A group which consists of: a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two;

— Nikhil Saluja

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

— Bob Dylan

Do I have an option? when asked by the press if she was "running as a woman."

— Patricia Schroeder

To speak of the impotence of power is no longer a witty paradox.

— Hannah Arendt

Everytime someone tweet 'Love is in the air' I usually go & shave my balls.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing is sadder than a guy who complains on Facebook about how shitty his sex life is.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I am not worth the wooing, I surely am not worth the winning!

— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Pickup lines never work...I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive.

— Kate Upton

My wife always bring these injured animals to home. I think she should just stop driving.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear gym teacher, how the hell are you fat? Sincerely, you teach exercise for a living!

— Anonymous

Marriage paralyzes men from the neck up and women from the waist down.

— Nikhil Saluja