HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A pessimist asked God for relief. Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness, said God. No, replied the petitioner,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
