Twitter Quotes · Page 43

Twitter: any time I write on my page they call it a tweet.. but you facebook how do they call your writings?

— Elormie

If you are in a relationship DO NOT talk to your ex

— Anonymous

Twitter and those platforms just didn't feel natural to me.

— Banks

My girlfriend told me I'm awful in bed. I don't know how she can tell in 30 seconds.

— Nikhil Saluja

“Your LinkedIn profile must be consistent with how you portray yourself elsewhere. Not only should your official résumé match the experience you…

— Melanie Pinola

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

— Nikhil Saluja

Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall .... And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch ....…

— Nikhil Saluja

Celebrate your own biases, they are probably brilliantly messy.

— Alastair Arnott

If I was an octopus, I would check my emails while I feed myself while I pick my nose while I masturbate…

— Nikhil Saluja

Follow me on twitter @IDGAFabtYOU

— Honestly Idgaf

Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.

— Nikhil Saluja

In summation, like your beloved pet rock, Twitter is useful only in your imagination.

— David Harsanyi

I'm big into my Twitter account.

— Busy Philipps

Most people, when they think of an insult, they keep it to themselves. But you wouldn't believe the things people say on…

— Jeff Ross

They broke up. Here come the depressing Twitter & Facebook statuses.

— Anonymous

The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%....per boob.

— Nikhil Saluja

Let me apologize right now for all of the drunk tweets & pictures that will be posted tonight. Dont hate me. Bye.

— Anonymous

Idiots don't know they are idiots, I know I am an idiot therefore I am not an idiot ;)

— Nikhil Saluja

If I was a serial killer I'd use my knife to make strangers kiss in front of me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I do use texting as a great way to communicate quickly, but I don't Twitter or anything.

— Dave Gahan

The fashion industry now has a direct relationship with its customers. Thanks to things like Twitter, ideas can be shared and circulated.

— Stefano Gabbana

Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be!

— Nikhil Saluja

I lost her at stop telling me about your funny tweets

— Nikhil Saluja

Just converted to a new religion. It's called idontgiveafuckism.

— Nikhil Saluja

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

— Anonymous