I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?' — Zach Galifianakis Death Copy Share Image
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean. — Zach Galifianakis Child Copy Share Image
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted? — Zach Galifianakis Adopted Copy Share Image
I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship' — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy. — Zach Galifianakis Greek Copy Share Image
The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font. — Zach Galifianakis Fonts Copy Share Image
You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave. — Zach Galifianakis Ifs Copy Share Image
The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. — Zach Galifianakis Abbreviations Copy Share Image
I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the… — Zach Galifianakis Black Copy Share Image
I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have… — Zach Galifianakis Comedic Copy Share Image
I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me… — Zach Galifianakis Fame Copy Share Image
The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to. — Zach Galifianakis Cameras Copy Share Image
I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing. — Zach Galifianakis Cursing Copy Share Image
I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of… — Zach Galifianakis Anger Copy Share Image
There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I… — Zach Galifianakis Art Copy Share Image
I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a… — Zach Galifianakis Communication Copy Share Image
When I first got to L.A., I had a pretty good setup. I convinced a mechanic to let me live in an… — Zach Galifianakis Pretty good Copy Share Image
I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant.… — Zach Galifianakis Brother Copy Share Image
As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood… — Zach Galifianakis Actors Copy Share Image
Wherever there's something that people don't feel comfortable talking about, that's where the good jokes are...A bad comic follows his audience, catering… — Zach Galifianakis Good Comic Copy Share Image
I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over… — Zach Galifianakis Conclusion Copy Share Image
My brother was torturous, I guess, but in a funny way. He used to say to me, 'I'm giving you a gag… — Zach Galifianakis Brother Copy Share Image
I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the… — Zach Galifianakis Burned Copy Share Image
I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy… — Zach Galifianakis Fronts Copy Share Image
I have never been much of a groomer. I take baths a lot, but I don't wear deodorant. I don't have to.… — Zach Galifianakis Advice Copy Share Image
When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically. — Zach Galifianakis Easy Copy Share Image
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective. — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself. — Zach Galifianakis Christmas Copy Share Image
I love to do shows in unlikely places, because the audience's expectations are less fixed. — Zach Galifianakis Audience Copy Share Image
Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs. — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers. — Zach Galifianakis Brother Copy Share Image
Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
