It can take years. With the first draft, I just write everything. With the second draft, it becomes so depressing for me,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I mean, I'm always happy if I have, like, humiliating asshole things that I did. I think: Oh good, that's a good… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
She said, “I’m going to have you fired.” I had two people say that to me today, “I’m going to have you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I’d always been afraid of sick people, and so had my mother. It wasn’t that we feared catching their brain aneurysm or… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I've maintained old friendships, like with people I knew in the nineteen-seventies, but have lost the knack for meeting new people. This… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I'm not afraid to write about madness. I always figure that whatever most embarrasses you is something that everyone can relate to,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Even as a child I was fascinated by death, not in a spiritual sense, but in an aesthetic one. A hamster or… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
People discuss their relationships all the time, but you can't. I don't think people realize how harmful that is, how it twists… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I spend so much time like living in the past or the future. I mean, I think most people do, really. And… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I don't think I'm a witty person. To me, a witty person is a funny person who is also a smart person.… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think it's good to have the alone time. Well, I kind of have to, because I have to be alone in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Writing helped to have jobs that involved running around, pushing things like dish carts and wheelbarrows. It would be hard to sit… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
