When you compare Christmas to Hanukkah, there's no comparison. Christmas is great. Hanukkah sucks! First night you get socks. Second night, an… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Is a BJ adultery? What? Did I miss a day of school? Of course it is! Oral sex is adultery like Curling… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and that shouldn't be… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School.… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
One of the most important things, especially when you're leaving school, is to realize you're going to be dealing with a lot… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.” — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
