Sarcastic Quotes · Page 7

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

— George Carlin

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

— Billy Wilder

Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.

— Anonymous

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

— Jean Webster

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

— Hemant Smarty

A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.

— Tom Waits

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

— Penny Marshall

Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.

— Anonymous

Oh. So you chose a hoe for the night over the love of your life? Good choice.

— Anonymous

I've been fortunate - I haven't had too many auditions. I slept with the right people.

— Pamela Anderson

If I'm being sarcastic, please don't take offense. It's just my way of not punching you in the face.

— Anonymous

Apparently twilight is so popular because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah I remember the time when I was a vampire.

— Anonymous

Gaia spins on, silently contemplating what it means to be born into a sarcastic universe.

— David Brin

A man is a king, a king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches, still think ur a man?

— Anonymous

I find myself to be quite sarcastic, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't get that.

— Andrej Pejic

He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

— Wilson Mizner

My son Cooper has just turned ten and the sarcasm fairy has already started to take up residence inside his body. Not…

— Melissa Rivers

My mom asked me how was I going to dress this halloween. I replied sarcastically ''Like a hoe''. She thought it was…

— Avalon

The cat looked as if it were about to say something sarcastic. Then it flicked its whiskers and said, "Challenge her. There's…

— Neil Gaiman

Am I nice? At times(I can be nice)...ask me do I give AF?no...am I a asshole? Yes of course...if u can't read…

— Anonymous

The service in L.A. is the best. You don't get sarcastic, surly, fed-up waiters and waitresses like you do in England. They're…

— Ricky Gervais

You say you love me ... Aww muffin!! Acchhoo.. Sorry my allergies to bullshit is acting up, it's telling me that your…

— Zabi Khojazada

The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth…

— P. J. O'Rourke

“Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile. Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast. "What? Sarcastic postkill…

— Molly Harper

How dare you ignore me after I've made 0 attempts at talking to you.

— Ramandeep Singh

I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

— Anonymous

Automatic simply means that you can?t repair it yourself.

— Frank Capra

If you don't want a sarcastic answer, then don't ask a stupid question!

— Anonymous

He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almost fascinating.

— Ayn Rand

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

— Woody Allen

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.

— Robert Redford

“Sarcastic and merciless one, you glory in the pain you give!”

— E.D.E.N. Southworth

Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.

— Anonymous

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

— Milton Berle

“Your middle name might be discreet, but mine is resourceful, Darling.”

— Ella Dominguez

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

— John Cleese

9/11 jokes aren't funny, they're just plane wrong.

— Anonymous

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.

— John Ruskin

I wish I'd known you when you were alive.

— Leonard Louis Levinson

His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.

— F. H. Bradley