When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
'Don't you worry, and don't you hurry.' I know that phrase by heart, and if all other music should perish out of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
