When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Comedy crowds - we always want to come out and ask you, 'How you feeling?' We always say that, 'By a round… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
