It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window! — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
