This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
The kids say golf taught them this and that. I get it with the military: A guy joins the military because he… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
None of this seems to affect the leadership, that people don't go out to vote, that they don't feel the need to… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents -- doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I feel the need to scream, and even if the scream is not answered, I find my sanity in the echo. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.” — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
