PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Snow pursued by the wind is not wholly unlike a retreating army. In the open field it ranges itself in ranks and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
SYCOPHANT- One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoldering one — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed .… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
