It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I think my wife puts up with me 'cause I try. I think that's all any guy can do is just try.… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Go 'it wasn't my fault, it was Captain Morgan!' And my wife goes 'Oh, like when Jose Cuervo made you ride the… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I told my wife I'm afraid to go back to the doctor because I'm afraid they're going to look at you and… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I go 'what is it?' And she goes 'we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!' Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet food for… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
