Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him,… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says 'you like baseball?' I said, 'Oh, man, I love baseball.'… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out,… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a hanger halfway through the top… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, I don't want to get sick, what should I eat?… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I go 'what is it?' And she goes 'we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!' Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet food for… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
