Beats Quote by Bill Engvall

I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man…

— Bill Engvall

I go 'what is it?' And she goes 'we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!' Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in…

— Bill Engvall

Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

— Bill Engvall

Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.

— Bill Engvall

Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet food for…

— Bill Engvall

“its a dork fish”

— Bill Engvall

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only…

— Bill Engvall

I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies.

— Bill Engvall

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of…

— Bill Engvall

God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.

— Bill Engvall

Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person.

— Bill Engvall

I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to…

— Bill Engvall