When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp." — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REPLICA, n. A reproduction of a work of art, by the artist that made the original. It is so called to distinguish… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“ Ocean , n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A short story padded. A species of composition bearing the same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art. As it… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
SARCOPHAGUS, n. Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a certain kind of carnivorous stone, had the peculiar property of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
