The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England". — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Elections officials here in California are concerned that having 247 candidates would require a ballot so long it would be difficult to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That’s a long trip for Joe Biden. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Did you hear about this 20-year-old kid named John Walker from Northern California who was apparently fighting for the Taliban?... It didn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
