“In life or death situations, my father has only been there once for me. So I'd like to tell him thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life is made up of now, and the past and the future are nothing more than inedible garnishes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can throw an orange like a baseball, but I can’t eat a baseball like an orange. Let that be a life… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you where you were an economic hero. So is the real life you like the dream you?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s 3:33 am as I’m writing this down on loose sheets of printer paper. I’m in the back office sitting behind the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The flashing black line on an empty Word document reminds me that my life is counting down second by second, and that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were a paper pusher for a living, I’d be pissed if my coworkers moved my desk into the wind tunnel.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I moved my hand in and out of the shadow and pondered life and death. Then I put on my lipstick, pulled… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop a train. But I’ve got a better way to stop a speeding train. Stand firmly… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Funerals, Coffins, and Death. It’s not just a way of life; it’s also for breakfast. Yes, that is the new cereal I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I live my life according to a code. You might know it by the surname Morse.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a barometer of love. Give it to the girl of your dreams, and see if she uses it to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve had 24 girlfriends in my life, and all of them occurred in the same two-day evening.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Divorce is the second worst event in a person’s life. The worst event, of course, is marriage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This core concept is so fundamental to her life that she even had a custom grand piano made where the keys aren’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My advice is to just ignore the problem until you’re dead. This could be the quickest solution of your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If we were to kiss passionately for 30 minutes, would you refill my oxygen tank in the process?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
