This is America. We don't call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney comes from a Mormon background. I don't know how many wives he has. I'm not saying that I believe in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In Washington, the air quality today was described as 'red.'...You know what 'red' is? It's bad for everyone. Not just old people,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think the reason why more rapists go into the military is the same reason why predators go into the Catholic Church.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America's parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When I do stand-up around the country, I often see people walk out. This is a show that they've purposely gone to,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People who don't like you almost never come up to you. That's a lot of years of saying things that I know… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it's the name of one of Obama's kids. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When those myths were created, when the Bible was written, man didn't know what an atom or a germ was, or where… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The people [in the USA] are not very well informed. They certainly don`t know history. They certainly are not interested in foreign… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I just don't see why anybody would vote Republican in the Army. If you want to support the troops, if I was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Tt just seems to be human nature to seem to want to posit in another human being, qualities that you must know,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If anybody is so mad at Vladimir Putin, you know what they could do? They could advocate for a gas tax. He… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You can't lie to kids about drugs. They know about drugs. You can't say they're just all bad. They know life is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People do not want to be disillusioned by the new president [Barak Obama]. The liberals felt, finally, this is our time. Now… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Don't wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'd like to protect children, too, but... is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good...… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
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