Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People who don't like cats haven't been around them. There's the old joke: dogs have masters, cats have staff. — Betty White Copy Share Image
Everything was meant to wind people up [in Make It Big ]. I don't know why we had this great pleasure in… — George Michael Copy Share Image
That sun is lookin' good... and hot! Get it? Hilarious! My joke writers are awesome. — Tom Bergeron Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do comedy again. It is way harder when you are doing comedy. You can't just concentrate on the… — Patricia Richardson Copy Share Image
My girl went away for the weekend, and I didn't masturbate once. I masturbated 21 times. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he… — Jack Dee Copy Share Image
French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders' sit-in. — Ronnie Corbett Copy Share Image
Earlier I received a phone call from a PPI Telemarketer. So I told my 3 year old son that Santa Claus was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand… — Brian P. Cleary Copy Share Image
You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you… — John Krasinski Copy Share Image
I had to keep the text pretty spare compared to what I would typically do in a picture book. My picture books… — Laurie Keller Copy Share Image
Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
It is-or seems to be-a wise sort of thing, to realise that all that happens to a man in this life is… — Herman Melville Copy Share Image
There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great pianist, jokes were… — Gad Elmaleh Copy Share Image
“Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I know 9 things about you right now. 1. You are reading this. 2. You are human. 3. You can't say the… — Zak Copy Share Image
It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
I find myself being quite cynical - and I think we all kind of are - towards the idea that it's associated… — Thomas Powers Copy Share Image
My family joke that I'm really a very senior person who accidentally happens to be 11. — Adora Svitak Copy Share Image
Youre so ugly, when you were born, the doctor said Wheres the baby? Youre so ugly, when you were born, your parents… — Curly Copy Share Image
I never heard Coen brothers get defensive, ever. You get with these filmmakers doing the hardest work in the world, and they're… — Beth Grant Copy Share Image
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