I went to see my doctor with a nasty pain in the ass. Turns out he's already met my wife. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The casting directors that were aware of The Real World looked at me as a joke. It was so hard to get… — Jamie Chung Copy Share Image
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
When I started doing standup when I was 17, I was talking about being Indian and specifically ethnic jokes. Straightforward stuff that… — Hari Kondabolu Copy Share Image
“We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When I write, I create really absurd situations which become false because I am after the joke. — Sally Phillips Copy Share Image
Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
if she had ordered me to throw myself down then, I would have done it! If she had said it only as… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The good thing about being in advertising was a lot of the skills cross over: you have to be accountable for your… — Victor Levin Copy Share Image
A lot of humour is about just enjoying life and spontaneity and because you make a joke that puts somebody down -… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke,… — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
In all the works on pedagogy that ever I read — and they have been many, big, and heavy — I don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Million dollar idea for a sci-fic movie: A world just like ours but with one key difference. When your phone dies, YOU… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You don't want to just do a joke because it works - we can make a lot of jokes work - you… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them… — Sergio Aragones Copy Share Image
As for jokes, I don't think it's necessarily that what I write is funny. — Peter David Copy Share Image
I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the… — Lee Trevino Copy Share Image
I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's fairly obvious, since Richard Nixon, that there is no such thing as a fair deal for any voter in the United… — Frank Zappa Copy Share Image
I came from the Groundlings Theatre in L.A., and there, you're guaranteed to at least try something out in front of an… — Taran Killam Copy Share Image
When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context.… — Tom Stoppard Copy Share Image
And usually I'm not watching the screen. I'm kind of sitting and looking off to the side, spying on people to see… — Pete Docter Copy Share Image
I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the… — Michael Schur Copy Share Image
