I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd. — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing.… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I… — Ash Sweeney Copy Share Image
Dont do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor aint. — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
"I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
We don't write jokes or anything, the furthest we'll go is we'll repeat certain jokes for the camera. — David Dobrik Copy Share Image
I'm a festive guy to begin with and Halloween is my favorite holiday. I went all out on this one costume. It's… — Andre Dirrell Copy Share Image
You can't expect everyone to laugh or applaud you for doing edgy things. Sometimes you'll miss. But I think comedians are artists… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. — Woody Alle Copy Share Image
Are my characters copies of people in real life? ... Don't ever believe the stories about authors putting people into novels. That… — Ayn Rand Copy Share Image
One of the stock Sydney jokes is of the census-taker who enquires: 'How many children have you, ma'am?' 'Two living and three… — Elspeth Huxley Copy Share Image
I joke that I learned the essentials of storytelling from Hanna-Barbera, but I pretty much did. That kind of television is what… — Kurt Sutter Copy Share Image
Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
I've always felt that animals are the purest spirits in the world. They don't fake or hide their feelings, and they are… — Pink Copy Share Image
I've always been into leopard print. No joke, when I was 14 years old I wanted my entire room to be covered… — Kim Kardashian Copy Share Image
God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke.… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because… — Alan King Copy Share Image
For Europeans a president having an affair, especially in France, is a joke. No one cares, it would never bring this kind… — Julie Delpy Copy Share Image
