You: When I grow up Im gonna go to the moon. Me: Im afraid youre too late, NASA isnt sending the monkeys… — Bubbly Copy Share Image
Donald Trump has shown that he will essentially attack individuals, make Second Amendment jokes. — Reid Hoffman Copy Share Image
You don't see a wonderful shot in a comedy. Why? Because they don't want to distract you from what matters, which is… — Fede Alvarez Copy Share Image
I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women.… — David Cross Copy Share Image
My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Someone has remarked that 'An ideal math talk should have one proof and one joke and they should not be the same'. — Ronald Graham Copy Share Image
Police have special ability from an ice. Whenever police say 'FREEZE!!' all people that they want will frozen — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have shielded myself against the volley of jokes that I have been made the subject of. — Alok Nath Copy Share Image
Why are there no knock-knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not making fun of it because I want to make fun of it. I'm making fun of it so I feel… — Pete Davidson Copy Share Image
I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
if you like the lovable sound of an asthma attack in your ear every time you tell a joke. — Kiera Cass Copy Share Image
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
My act's not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes. — Judah Friedlander Copy Share Image
If I said It would take too long to explain. I really meant I have no idea how it works. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There’s only one subject for fiction or poetry or even a joke: how it is. In all the arts, the payoff is… — Robert Stone Copy Share Image
The Lord's angel, Gebrail, dictated the Koran to Mohammed the Lord's Prophet. What a joke if all that holy book were only… — Thomas Pynchon Copy Share Image
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. You see the trouble is… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
What's so funny?" Bella mumbled. "I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again. "I'm not going to forget this,… — Stephenie Meyer Copy Share Image
