I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
They tell us "Rock'n'roll is the devil's music." Well, let's say we know that rock is the devil's music, and we know… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest."… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin'… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross? — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?...No, it's not...That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve... — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay? — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes] — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again?… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious... — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor – even President, it seemed.… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
People ask me what I think about that woman priest thing. What, a woman priest? Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
