The good news is, the stock market is closed and it can't hurt us again until tomorrow. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Jesse Jackson was involved in a three-car crash this weekend. I understand that no one was hurt, but I understand that two… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one was hurt. She said she didn't know what happened.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
