Humorous Quotes by Anonymous · Page 2

Facts are the enemy of truth.

— Anonymous

Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of having me.

— Anonymous

You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say,…

— Anonymous

Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom in the world besides Michelle Obama.

— Anonymous

My Mother's Day gift to you is not deleting the embarrassing comments you make on my Facebook Wall.

— Anonymous

Mom, thanks for teaching me about boundaries by never observing any.

— Anonymous

When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in your eye..the stinging sensation will stop your whining. . .

— Anonymous

Newtons third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot!

— Anonymous

Have a happy Mother's Day before your kids reach an age when they're completely jaded about Mother's Day.

— Anonymous

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my…

— Anonymous

For all the love you've given me, I will one day pay your nursing home bill.

— Anonymous

“It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt”

— Anonymous

Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV.

— Anonymous

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

— Anonymous

For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional.

— Anonymous

“Trojan is a terrible name for a brand of condom. Why name it after something that, after penetrating the wall, broke open…

— Anonymous

Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out.

— Anonymous

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

— Anonymous

You will never realize how wired your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.

— Anonymous

You've always been a great mom because of your patience, sense of humor, and fondness for daytime drinking.

— Anonymous

“Figyeld meg, vannak ilyenek; vörösre bőgik a szemüket a moziban valami gennyes marhaságon, és tízből kilenc a szíve mélyén aljas barom.”

— Anonymous

I am realistic – I expect miracles.

— Anonymous

There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.

— Anonymous

Thanks for helping me learn from your mistakes with men.

— Anonymous

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the…

— Anonymous

Thanks for helping me resolve the childhood issues you caused.

— Anonymous

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

— Anonymous

Whenever faced with a difficult situation,try and find some humor in it.

— Anonymous

I always advise people never to give advice.

— Anonymous

The pesimist says: it cannot get any worse. The optimist joyfully exclaims: yes, it can!

— Anonymous

The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.

— Anonymous

“If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary, somewhere between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.”

— Anonymous

Life is a reality without a rubber.

— Anonymous

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

— Anonymous

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

— Anonymous

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no…

— Anonymous

“Generally speaking, I try not to generalize.”

— Anonymous

Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.

— Anonymous

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

— Anonymous

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

— Anonymous