“Maybe you should go make that call again. Ask very specifically how much of who's ass needs to be kissed here. I'm… — Jonathan Maberry Copy Share Image
“I felt more solidly composed, now that I was horizontal. I was impossible to knock down.” — David Foster Wallace Copy Share Image
“Guess it didn't go so well, huh?" "What was your first clue?" I turned my head slightly, then went back to staring… — Michelle Mankin Copy Share Image
“We were still twirling around the tiny parking lot when the neighbors screamed 'Happy New Year'. Unfortunately we weren't sober enough to… — Kaitlin Scott Copy Share Image
What really holds their marriage together are mutual respect of an awesome depth, a shared sense of humor, faith that they were… — Dean Koontz Copy Share Image
“He curled his claw into a fist. "I'd like to shove a stake up that bastard's ass." Adam's lip curled. "Remind me… — Jaye Wells Copy Share Image
“I didn't mean to offend," he quickly adds. "Then, what exactly did you mean to say?” — Dhonielle Clayton Copy Share Image
“Being a writer is 1% inspiration, 50% perspiration and 49% explaining you're not a millionaire like J.K.Rowling.” — Gabrielle Tozer Copy Share Image
“You know it’s the 21st Century when someone TEXTS you from the washroom to ask you to bring them a roll of… — Comic Strip Mama Copy Share Image
“That is why I love Starbucks. It doesn't matter how much money you have or what social world you're from, chances are… — Kyra Davis Copy Share Image
The major caveat in all of comedy is that it's all instinctive. There's no true criteria. There is no right or wrong.… — Larry Charles Copy Share Image
“Last bedroom on the right," Nick said with a smirk. "Might want to knock first." Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Dude, you are… — Laura Kaye Copy Share Image
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Michael shook his head. "So what's on your good list?" Oh you know. Hero stuff that gets me rerun on CNN. Like,… — Shane Collins Copy Share Image
In theater, one of the biggest problems when you're rehearsing comedy over and over again is that you stop laughing at each… — Lauren Ashley Carter Copy Share Image
Someone needs to make an app that alerts you every time your wife/girlfriend gets a haircut, so we don't forget to notice. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Spirituality does not have to be serious. You are spirituality. Fun laughter heal you faster than anything. Introduce fun back into your… — Anita Moorjani Copy Share Image
“Do you know what he told me after lying under a cliff for thirty six hours with two inches of his femur… — Walker Percy Copy Share Image
“And for God's sake, don't let her watch Cinderella. What kind of example is that? A mindless twit who can't even remember… — Emma Chase Copy Share Image
“What a situation!' cried Miss Squeers; '...What is the reason that men fall in love with me, whether I like it or… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
