Hilarious christmas Quotes by Anonymous

Christmas shopping for you has made me realize that I know absolutely nothing about you.

— Anonymous

Sorry I can't make it to your holiday party that I'm pretending to attend to get out of going to another holiday…

— Anonymous

You're a hard person to half-assedly shop for.

— Anonymous

I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas.

— Anonymous

'Tis the season to drink too much with the coworkers, family, and friends who are the reason you drink too much.

— Anonymous

I put so much thought into your gift it's now too late to get it.

— Anonymous

Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have sex with you until Christmas.

— Anonymous

I hope you like the gift I took partial credit for.

— Anonymous

There's no limit to the amount of company time I'd waste shopping for your holiday gift.

— Anonymous

You remind me of Santa in that you work about one day a year and spend the other 364 days judging.

— Anonymous

A holiday miracle would be still fitting into my clothes after the holidays.

— Anonymous

Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus.

— Anonymous

Rest assured your drunken comments at the office holiday party can't be any more awkward than your sober comments in meetings.

— Anonymous

May your holiday season be filled with friends and family who don't bring up your school's horrifying pedophiliac sex scandal.

— Anonymous

May this be the year your significant other gives you a better gift than your Secret Santa does.

— Anonymous

Let's give thanks our neighborhood is too dangerous for Christmas caroling.

— Anonymous

The quality of your Christmas gifts makes me wish Santa was real.

— Anonymous

I'd gladly take your eight days of Hanukkah over our six weeks of Christmas.

— Anonymous

Happy holidays from someone using environmental friendliness as an excuse for being too cheap and lazy to send a real card.

— Anonymous

Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents.

— Anonymous

I feel better knowing Santa will also be unemployed after Christmas.

— Anonymous

I'm helping the environment this holiday season by immediately recycling your Christmas card.

— Anonymous

I can't wait to have a flamboyantly dressed stranger grope my children.

— Anonymous

Here's hoping Santa is able to deliver all his toys before he's shot by an NRA member.

— Anonymous

I'm going to regift something special for you.

— Anonymous

Thanks for going to the office holiday party in a Christmas sweater that's more embarrassing than my behavior.

— Anonymous

This year I plan to start putting off my Christmas shopping extra early.

— Anonymous

Let's hope the kids are stupid enough to believe Santa bought them this year's budget-conscious, crappy gifts.

— Anonymous

I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

— Anonymous

Congratulations on having a Christmas tree that's more real than your breasts.

— Anonymous

I'm not getting you a holiday present because I know you don't like writing thank-you notes.

— Anonymous

Here's hoping Santa doesn't get killed using Apple Maps this Christmas.

— Anonymous

Let's make holiday plans comprised of me nursing a hangover while watching TV at home alone.

— Anonymous

May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong Il.

— Anonymous

If not for Santa, Jesus would be my favorite fictional bearded guy that gets celebrated in December.

— Anonymous

Let's celebrate the birth of Jesus by going out for Chinese food.

— Anonymous

You can milk a holiday party better than Brett Favre can milk an NFL career.

— Anonymous

I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited.

— Anonymous

My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season.

— Anonymous

I wish Santa was a one percenter.

— Anonymous