People would say to me, “Hey man, you look just like Paul McCartney”, and I'd say: “I wish I had his money!” — Paul McCartney Copy Share Image
I feel like my life has always been the 'Hey Look at Me Show.' I'm not apologetic about that. — Dan Harmon Copy Share Image
Books seem a little old-fashioned, but hey, I can do old-fashioned if it's good. — Tim Tharp Copy Share Image
Hey, boss? (Vik) Not now, Vik. (Syn) Dude, listen to the metallic life form. (Vik) — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When a street musician lowered his violin to inquire, 'Hey lovely, what you got there?' she said, 'Musicians who ask questions,' and… — Laini Taylor Copy Share Image
I don't necessarily not believe in ghosts, but I've never seen a ghost. A ghost has never jumped out and been like,… — Sara Paxton Copy Share Image
I smoke a blunt once every blue moon. But hey, the moon looks kinda blue tonight... — Randy Moss Copy Share Image
The kids look at me, 'Ah, you're my hero.' I want to teach those kids. 'Hey listen, God is my hero. He… — Albert Pujols Copy Share Image
It's one thing to sit back and say, 'Hey let's play a club, that will be great,' but then you get there… — Trent Reznor Copy Share Image
Hahahaha me and my grandpa are crazy lol funn story so we were on a trip and I seen him flexing in… — James Copy Share Image
We were quiet on the car ride home. I turned on the radio and found a station playing "Hey Jude." It was… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
Usually, impersonations come out of something you dig, because you're listening to it over and over. And you kind of start developing...… — Alex Borstein Copy Share Image
Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him,… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
I have a couple ideas that I'm banging on for a film. It's strange, you make a movie and, all of a… — Scott Foley Copy Share Image
The metric system was designed to get people to enter charity runs.Do you think you would go run a 3.1 mile race?… — Greg Gutfeld Copy Share Image
You know what happens to guys? There's what I call the individual time of their career, and the team time of their… — Mike Babcock Copy Share Image
I wasn't able to articulate it until after audience members gave feedback. And then, similarly, when we talked about the bromance being… — Steve Zissis Copy Share Image
If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do: You must learn how to make a perfect chicken-dumpling stew.… — Shel Silverstein Copy Share Image
I rebelled during my high school years really bad. I started messing around with drugs and having relationships with girls and partying.… — Dominic Balli Copy Share Image
Alone in her shelter, she allowed herself tears. When her shelter cooled to the touch she called to Gull, “Coming out!” She… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I lived in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father's Day. The only Father's… — Michael Showalter Copy Share Image
Hey everybody, this is Rob Halford from Fight wishing you all a crazy heavy metal Christmas and an insane, wild manic New… — Rob Halford Copy Share Image
Sam Phillips responded most to a song of mine called, "Hey Porter," which was on the first record. — Johnny Cash Copy Share Image
You can do anything in the world if you say "Hey man, don't blame me, the devil made me do it. It's… — Ice Cube Copy Share Image
When you put yourself out into the world and say, 'Hey, look at me,' you're going to get criticized. — Pauly Shore Copy Share Image
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room,… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end… — Richard Jeni Copy Share Image
I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey, where am I? — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I doubt anybody gets taken seriously for very long. I'll be on some reality show in about six years going, Hey, I… — George Clooney Copy Share Image
There are positive and negative thoughts. And, hey, it doesn't cost you a cent more to think positively . — Angelo Dundee Copy Share Image
Unix is like a toll road on which you have to stop every 50 feet to pay another nickel. But hey! You… — Larry Wall Copy Share Image
Hey, Jamie,' said Seb. 'Want a lift?' 'Hey, Seb,' Jamie responded without missing a beat 'Drop dead. — Sarah Rees Brennan Copy Share Image
If anybody felt worse than I did, it was Amos. I had just enough magic to turn myself into a falcon and… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours? — Tucker Max Copy Share Image
Oh, hey, maybe I should have mentioned that my friends are retarded douchebags. — Bryan Lee O'Malley Copy Share Image
I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look! — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.' — Larry David Copy Share Image
