Republicans ... are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but that they need government help to organize… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way,… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
