Funny marriage Quotes · Page 5

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

— Henny Youngman

Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!

— Kathy Lette

A mans wife has more power over him than the state has.

— Anonymous

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She…

— Anonymous

The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.

— A. P. Herbert

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to…

— Red Skelton

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her…

— Adam Ferrara

It is best for ordinary men to have only one wife !

— Akbar

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.

— Anonymous

Here's to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for not making anyone else be married to them.

— Anonymous

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, Youre only interested in one thing, and you cant remember what it is.

— Anonymous

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

— Groucho Marx

I married Mr.Right I just never new his first name was NEVER.

— Nayeli B Juarez Padilla

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

— Dorothy Parker

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted,…

— Dave Barry

Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always…

— Carol Leifer

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then hes finished.

— Anonymous

Never forget the nine most important words of any family- I love you. You are beautiful. Please forgive me.

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr

Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces…

— Russell M. Nelson

An open marriage is nature's way of telling you that you need a divorce.

— Ann Landers

I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

— Wendy Liebman

According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry,…

— Tina Fey

I have trouble saying hu ... hu ... husband.

— Rosanna Arquette

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

— Bob Monkhouse

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'

— Robin Williams