The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I was so frivolous for so many years. It was so much fun, but you feel guilty about the brain energy you… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can,… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
You want to do something a little bit meaningful, because we're not saving the planet or anything, but we want to contribute… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Have you ever experienced a pain so sharp in your heart that it's all you can do to take a breath? It's… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
![“It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV]…” quote by Chelsea Handler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/0a8/chelsea-handler-887_children_it-s-also-a-terrible-kind-of-sentiment-r_3015475.jpg)
