If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down . — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
There's no point in looking back, because there's nothing you can really do to improve the film. You can only aggravate and… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I've never been satisfied or even pleased with a film that I've done. I make them, I'm finished, I've never looked at… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I enjoy the making of the film and it's something for me to do. If nobody ever comes to my films, if people don't… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
