There are times when you see the news, and you go, "How the hell am I meant to do anything tonight?" I'm… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Here's a tip for all you aspiring young comics: Don't beat up the customers. It is very difficult to get laughs from… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
