Comedy Just Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

“i chose not to run”

— Jerry Seinfeld

We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when…

— Jerry Seinfeld

I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.

— Jerry Seinfeld

There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

— Jerry Seinfeld

We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when…

— Jerry Seinfeld

I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.…

— Jerry Seinfeld

I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And…

— Jerry Seinfeld

Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band…

— Jerry Seinfeld

This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with…

— Jerry Seinfeld

If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience.

— Jerry Seinfeld

People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

— Jerry Seinfeld

It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.

— Jerry Seinfeld

A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.

— Jerry Seinfeld

There are many things you can point to as proof that the human is not smart. But my personal favorite would have to be…

— Jerry Seinfeld

You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way…

— Jerry Seinfeld