I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast.… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
