I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
We have wild animals in zoos, yet people rarely meet their 'food' face to face. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Many animal rescue organizations hit with a hard-core, heartbreaking message. Their videos and stories can become difficult for average people to watch.… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I like to go after the foibles, basically of beliefs that are held without question. If people still want to believe in… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast.… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
